Spider-Man 3 review from Blake
This comes to us from our frequent emailer, Blake.
Here’s the Deal: Spider-man 3 Review
Possible very minor spoilers
Here’s the deal,
This thing was hyped. I remember a few months after Spider-man 2 came out they were putting out press releases about Spider-man 3 and announcing that the incredibly-popular-but-I’m-not-quite-sure-why Venom was going to be in it. That right there was enough to make people go nuts. And, every single little shred of news that ever leaked about that movie from then until the day it came out has made front-page news on all of the entertainment websites. It had a huge presence at ComicCon and garnered even more hype from the hardcore fanbase – which, all you non-geek people should know – is who tells you to see a movie are not.
I could go on an entire new note about how advertisers are trying to get to sell their product to the geeks first because they know that if the geeks go with it, the rest of the world will too – but I won’t. I could write another note about how comicbooks are taking over the world as most of the top 5 primetime TV shows are created and written by comic book writers (Lost, Heroes, Smallville, some episodes of The Office) – but I won’t. I’m just going to say this thing had more hype than Y2K.
And, just like Y2K, it didn’t quite live up to the hype. Also like Y2K, the only thing that could have possibly lived up to its own hype would be the apocalypse.
To get started, let me say this: Spider-man 3 was way too compressed. This was at least two movies that they tried to squeeze into one. The result was that none of the plethory of storlyines had hardly any time to breethe. You’ve got Peter finding out Flint Marko was the person who actually killed Uncle Ben. You’ve got Sandman’s origin story and the whole deal with his wife and daughter. You’ve got Harry coming back as New Goblin to exact revenge. You’ve got the introduction of Gwen Stacy – a character as important to the Spider-man mythos as Uncle Ben himself. You’ve got the introduction of the symbiote and the black suit. You’ve got the introduction to Peter’s rival Eddie Brock. And, to top it all off, you’ve got Venom. Wow. One movie? Really?
But, having said all of that, I’ve got to tell you, they squeezed it all in just about as good as I think they could have.
The beginning of the film was awkward at best. And that’s because you’ve got all of these different plot threads having their own little introductions and vying with each other for screen time. We’re jumping around from Marko to Peter to Harry to Gwen – there was more jumping in the beginning of this movie than an Apple taskbar with a dozen programs in need of an update.
But after that, the plots started to mesh and blend into each other (as well as so many of them could). This helped the cohesion tremendously.
The fight scenes in this movie were stupendous. Every fight with Harry was incredible and the fight scenes with Venom and Sandman weren’t half bad either.
Speaking of Sandman: this was some of the greatest CG work I’ve had the pleasure to experience. That scene where he got out of the sand for the first time amazed me.
Now, say what you will about the dancing, emo, symbiote infected Peter Parker, but I was digging it. Yeah it got over the top, but I think that was the point. Plus, it was nice to see some humor in a film so focused on darkness. I saw the movie with a bunch of guys who hated the scene, so I know I’m probably in the minority here. It just struck me as a nice sequel to the “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head” sequence in the second film.
Now, this movie definitely had a more sci-fi tone which I know can put some people off – and that’s because of the villains. You wanted Venom, folks. You got him and his crazy alien origin to go along with it. Sandman’s a character who turns into sand so I’m not sure we could really do his story without that sci-fi flare.
As for the conclusion, it seemed like they were running out of time and had to get the big fight in quick. The bad guys team up and, in a stroke of genius that no villain has ever even dreamed of in any story ever, they kidnap the hero’s girlfriend. This is what it is: an excuse to get all the super-powered characters to fight. And fight they did. I mentioned the quality of the fight scenes earlier and this one was really no exception.
Overall, I think this marks the first time a superhero movie’s 3rd film was good. Was it excellent? No. And of course it couldn’t live up to the unmeetable expectations we all had for it. It just tried to cram too much story in there. I really wish they would have decompressed this into two films, but, what can you do? I guess Raimi wanted to say all he wanted to say before he moves on to the Hobbit (probably).
So, I’ll wrap this up by saying that this movie will find its way into my DVD collection without question.
I’m going to go ahead and slap this puppy with a solid: 7/10
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Another Fake Press Release
Blake sent us another FAKE press release. Again, THIS IS FAKE, but funny.
TMNT STAR UNDERGOES UNPROVEN SURGERY FOR ROLE
April O’Neil, the TV journalist-turned-archeologist-turned-actress, underwent a radical hip removal surgery in preparation for the recently released TMNT just weeks before filming began. Rumor of the surgery has been circulating around the internet for some time, but has finally reached a fever-pitch with audiences’ first glimpse of the new April on film. Ms. O’Neil’s representatives prepared a statement in light of the public outcry.
“April O’Neil has done nothing that other film stars have not done in preparation for a role,” said the actress’s representatives.
If the rumors are indeed true (as our reliable sources lead us to believe) the medical ramifications are mortifying.
“It is generally agreed upon in the medical community that the hip bone is connected to the femur bone,” said Dr. Hollis Mason, an expert in the field. “If the hip bone is completely absent, it would seem the femur would have no place to attach itself to. At any moment, with the slightest wrong move, her femur could be shoved into one of her organs. It sounds like fantasy, but it could very well happen. You just watch, men and women. Just watch.”
Dr. Norman McCay, a pediatric psychologist, has expressed concern over what this image will communicate to impressionable teenagers about their own body image.
“O’Neil needs to realize that she is a role model,” warns Dr. McCay. “These girls will look at their own waists and think they are not good enough. They will all keep tightening their belts and starving themselves until the respectable image of a healthy woman has been blown to kingdom come. This is a terrible burden to place these young women under.”
O’Neil’s next role, assuming she avoids liver puncture from her femur, will be opposite John Goodman in the romantic comedy, Opposites Attract.
Fan Mail
This is a great email I got from Blake, who sent us this story.
THIS IS FAKE, DO NOT REPEAT THIS, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY!
DARK KNIGHT CASTING UPDATE
Variety has reported that two unknown actors, known only as Jonathan and Jefferson, have been recently cast as Detectives Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya in the upcoming Christopher Nolan-directed Batman sequel, The Dark Knight.
The two thespians have not appeared in any major Hollywood work before but are best known for co-hosting the “Superhero Cinema” podcast.
Oddly enough, according to our sources, it is still unknown which actor will be playing Bullock and which will be playing Montoya. It is, however, worth noting that Detective Renee Montoya is in fact a female character who is, apparently, being played by a male actor.
“We’re going to have photography sessions with each actor in a two-piece, somewhat revealing swimsuit,” a Warner Brothers representative said.
“We will base our casting decision on those photographs and which image will attract the highest numbers of our target demographic.”
Speculation is wild regarding the possible casting of the third co-host of the “Superhero Cinema” podcast, known as Michael, and who he may potentially play in the sequel. The most prominent internet rumors suggest he may be cast as Harold (the Batman’s mechanic), Thomas Elliot (a childhood friend of the Batman), or Harley Quinn (henchwoman of the Heath Ledger-played Joker).
Michael’s potential casting of the latter character will, according to sources, also be based on a rigid swimsuit test.
The film has begun its principle photography and is being aimed at for a June 2008 release date.
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