Blake sent us another FAKE press release. Again, THIS IS FAKE, but funny.
TMNT STAR UNDERGOES UNPROVEN SURGERY FOR ROLE
April O’Neil, the TV journalist-turned-archeologist-turned-actress, underwent a radical hip removal surgery in preparation for the recently released TMNT just weeks before filming began. Rumor of the surgery has been circulating around the internet for some time, but has finally reached a fever-pitch with audiences’ first glimpse of the new April on film. Ms. O’Neil’s representatives prepared a statement in light of the public outcry.
“April O’Neil has done nothing that other film stars have not done in preparation for a role,” said the actress’s representatives.
If the rumors are indeed true (as our reliable sources lead us to believe) the medical ramifications are mortifying.
“It is generally agreed upon in the medical community that the hip bone is connected to the femur bone,” said Dr. Hollis Mason, an expert in the field. “If the hip bone is completely absent, it would seem the femur would have no place to attach itself to. At any moment, with the slightest wrong move, her femur could be shoved into one of her organs. It sounds like fantasy, but it could very well happen. You just watch, men and women. Just watch.”
Dr. Norman McCay, a pediatric psychologist, has expressed concern over what this image will communicate to impressionable teenagers about their own body image.
“O’Neil needs to realize that she is a role model,” warns Dr. McCay. “These girls will look at their own waists and think they are not good enough. They will all keep tightening their belts and starving themselves until the respectable image of a healthy woman has been blown to kingdom come. This is a terrible burden to place these young women under.”
O’Neil’s next role, assuming she avoids liver puncture from her femur, will be opposite John Goodman in the romantic comedy, Opposites Attract.